I cant beleive its been five months since I blogged. I apologise if this is long and waffled.
In that time there has been positives and negatives.
Positives: Moved flat, been on holiday, had christmas and new year
Negatives: Lost my wonderful grandad, I was the apple of his eye and I love him and miss him dearly, almost lost my precious kitty cat and became single.
But theres one more thing. Ten days ago I had a laparoscopy. I fought for a year and a half for it and I won! Don't give up, its your body, your illness and your treatment and noone has the right to stand in the way of that.
Unfortunately I am one of those 'not uncommon' unlucky ones who has these nice little cells that are not in a blindingly obvious place and therefore could not be removed. People have asked if i'll have another op. The answer is no. If they go digging further they could damage something beyond repair. Im not willing to take that risk. Although the operation 'wasn't a success' I still feel it was the best thing i'd ever done. I got time to find me again because since I last blogged with everything that happened I lost myself, I seemed to give myself here there and everywhere, until I didn't feel anything anymore and ended my relationship. Then I spent a while in a 'mourning' period. But having that operation was like flicking a switch and made me stronger as a person. I had five days on my own to think and remember just who I am. Ive had a spring in my step again and just feel generally better. Anyway i'm rambling.
After the op I had a sore throat where they shove a camera down it (ooer) my tummy was a bit sore for a while but after the pain you get from Endometriosis it pails into insignificance. The worst bit by far is not being able to do anything, not being able to sit. I had the op on the Friday and after getting up and down off the couch, in and out of bed by Saturday lunch my wounds were bleeding and I had to go back to my mums, she really looked after me, she washed my hair for me bless. Sunday I came home and was in the shower I bled quite a bit I thought I was going to have to go back to the ward. Monday I went round tesco, it was murder, I was so sore by the time I got half way round, please if you have a laparoscopy dont underestimate anything. It is hard work. But if I didnt do it, no one else did. I went back to work the Thursday after however had picked up a bug while in hospital for those whole 12 hours! God. So went back in Friday and stayed in. Its still sore now but yet again is a very small pain. I have to get up every couple of hours to go for a walk if ive not been lying down because of where they cut its a bit sore. I can see one of the wounds its like someone has got purple pen and drawn a little line, its quite funky really! I cant see the one in my belly button they did a really good job! Id say ive had more 'stingy' pain from my wounds than achy pain from my tummy.
For the pain now, mum has read about TENS machines helping and we're going to invest in a portable one. For the other effects? Well i've managed two years right? I will keep going.
My cousins wife has started a blog, reading that made me restart mine. Laura, we love you for you, remember that. I am so proud of my big cus for finding someone as magical as you! I couldnt ask for a better wife for him. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, because it probably won't. Just because the sun isn't shining right now, it will one day, just because it feels wrong doesnt mean it is, but people telling you everythings alright doesn't mean it is either. No matter how everything looks, you are always a beautiful person to a lot of people who love you dearly xxx
My amazing best friends, I miss you and I'm sorry for everything getting lost in the mash up. You are never far from my mind. xx
Matt, I'm sorry it didn't work but remember we were happy and those memories will carry on for as long as you hold them x
For any readers, wondering where you go with Endometriosis, you have to do what you feel is right for YOU! Nobody else will benefit more than you.
xx
Monday, March 26, 2012
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Moping Monday & Turn Around Tuesday
Sorry guys I just wasnt well enough to blog yesterday :(
Monday 10 September 2011 - I didn't go to work. I was just too tired and sore. :( I slept right up until about half one with a couple of wake ups in between. I was sore to sit and stand :( I just lay in bed all day, officially sorry for myself. Matt came round though. Always cheers me up!
Tuesday 11 September 2011 - It's not been as bad today, had a couple of cocodamol and muddled through, still really tired. Had to book my appointment for this month today and it went down like a lead balloon.... again! It's assumed that I ask for awkward times for appointments. I was asked if in future I can book them at the start or end of the day or in my lunch. I would love to leave at half three/four for an appointment but I cant when Mr Fayle only works Tuesday MORNINGS! I would love an appointment first thing and then come to work but I am one in a long line of people waiting to see him. The appointment would have been in my lunch had planning not changed my hours. ARGH! I wish I wasn't taking time out to see him or the doctor or go to AandE or have the day off sick. I didn't flaming ask for this disease! Lord knows if I could make it go away, I would. Im off to bed, im so sleepy. A drink and some sweeties I think.
xoxo
Monday 10 September 2011 - I didn't go to work. I was just too tired and sore. :( I slept right up until about half one with a couple of wake ups in between. I was sore to sit and stand :( I just lay in bed all day, officially sorry for myself. Matt came round though. Always cheers me up!
Tuesday 11 September 2011 - It's not been as bad today, had a couple of cocodamol and muddled through, still really tired. Had to book my appointment for this month today and it went down like a lead balloon.... again! It's assumed that I ask for awkward times for appointments. I was asked if in future I can book them at the start or end of the day or in my lunch. I would love to leave at half three/four for an appointment but I cant when Mr Fayle only works Tuesday MORNINGS! I would love an appointment first thing and then come to work but I am one in a long line of people waiting to see him. The appointment would have been in my lunch had planning not changed my hours. ARGH! I wish I wasn't taking time out to see him or the doctor or go to AandE or have the day off sick. I didn't flaming ask for this disease! Lord knows if I could make it go away, I would. Im off to bed, im so sleepy. A drink and some sweeties I think.
xoxo
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Worst Weekend catch up
:'(
Friday: I was painted as a cat at work, it was soo cool! I was buddying with Louisa watching her do cases after shed watch me do them, I had a right laugh. We got our prize for the competition, a big tin of heroes, YUM! Think me and my boy will have to have a nice night in with them. I went out for a couple of hours but my feetses got sore so I came home early. It was a nice night with Matt. Id been happy all week, it had such a positive effect on our relationship.
Saturday: This is where it all goes wrong. My stomach was soo sore yesterday. I was screaming in pain, I almost went back to hospital. Its official - the cocodamol has stopped working :( I was dreading this. I don't know what to do, or where to go from here. I took a tramadol and it knocked me out, I was in a lot of pain until I fell asleep and was fine when I woke up. I was normal for a couple of hours after. I took another tramadol before I went out but was sat in the manxy and was in a fair amount of pain again, it was really uncomfortable but I was adamant I wanted to watch Karaoke! I came home and went to sleep.
Sunday: Its been a bit better today but i've been in a permanent state of tiredness, when im not lying down its sore. Its really uncomfortable to sit for too long. It weakens me to stand, I just want to flop. I dont want to take any more tablets because I need to get out of this state of tiredness.
This weekend has made me think about my appointment. What do I do if I can't have this op? :'( Part of me thought the temporary menopause is my next option. But how do I decide if the risk is worth it. I put up with all of this crap because one day I want to be a mum. If I take that drug, and I never come out of menopause, I will kick myself until the day I die. I will feel like somebody has ripped my heart out and run away with my dreams aswell. I cant put myself in that position. Besides I've read all the side effects and I would rather suffer with what I know than find a whole new world of feeling horrible.
Or I get pumped full of drugs and mess my body up even more and when I stop those drugs... when this pain returns and it is ten times worse because its had however long to build up.... how do I fix that?
If thats my options, I would rather scream in pain, knowing that it will be over with in a couple of days.
I don't want to do this. I want it to go away. I want to be normal.
Im sorry this post is sad and I want to go back to being happy, I will be when this pain is gone, but right now, im scared, so so scared.
xoxo
Friday: I was painted as a cat at work, it was soo cool! I was buddying with Louisa watching her do cases after shed watch me do them, I had a right laugh. We got our prize for the competition, a big tin of heroes, YUM! Think me and my boy will have to have a nice night in with them. I went out for a couple of hours but my feetses got sore so I came home early. It was a nice night with Matt. Id been happy all week, it had such a positive effect on our relationship.
Saturday: This is where it all goes wrong. My stomach was soo sore yesterday. I was screaming in pain, I almost went back to hospital. Its official - the cocodamol has stopped working :( I was dreading this. I don't know what to do, or where to go from here. I took a tramadol and it knocked me out, I was in a lot of pain until I fell asleep and was fine when I woke up. I was normal for a couple of hours after. I took another tramadol before I went out but was sat in the manxy and was in a fair amount of pain again, it was really uncomfortable but I was adamant I wanted to watch Karaoke! I came home and went to sleep.
Sunday: Its been a bit better today but i've been in a permanent state of tiredness, when im not lying down its sore. Its really uncomfortable to sit for too long. It weakens me to stand, I just want to flop. I dont want to take any more tablets because I need to get out of this state of tiredness.
This weekend has made me think about my appointment. What do I do if I can't have this op? :'( Part of me thought the temporary menopause is my next option. But how do I decide if the risk is worth it. I put up with all of this crap because one day I want to be a mum. If I take that drug, and I never come out of menopause, I will kick myself until the day I die. I will feel like somebody has ripped my heart out and run away with my dreams aswell. I cant put myself in that position. Besides I've read all the side effects and I would rather suffer with what I know than find a whole new world of feeling horrible.
Or I get pumped full of drugs and mess my body up even more and when I stop those drugs... when this pain returns and it is ten times worse because its had however long to build up.... how do I fix that?
If thats my options, I would rather scream in pain, knowing that it will be over with in a couple of days.
I don't want to do this. I want it to go away. I want to be normal.
Im sorry this post is sad and I want to go back to being happy, I will be when this pain is gone, but right now, im scared, so so scared.
xoxo
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday 5 October & Thursday 6 October
Sorry guys its another two day entry.
Wednesday - Not alot to say, still sooo thirsty. Apart from that, all's good! - This is why I didn't blog yesterday aha!
Thursday - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Im mooooooooooooooving!! Hahahah yaayness!
Im going into a bigger flat as soon as ones available :) Wooop! So excited!
Im still thirsty, today I've had 500ml of summer fruits water, an orange juice juicebox, and a 500ml bottle of coke and I'm still thirsty. Ive been getting some weird tuggy pains in my belly today. Bugger!
Ive had a realllly itchy eye today, Bex has had it too, she thinks its the weather. My eczema is still shocking and its really sore when I scratch it (which isnt often).
Your picture today is of a flat like what my new one will be.
xoxo
Wednesday - Not alot to say, still sooo thirsty. Apart from that, all's good! - This is why I didn't blog yesterday aha!
Thursday - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Im mooooooooooooooving!! Hahahah yaayness!
Im going into a bigger flat as soon as ones available :) Wooop! So excited!
Im still thirsty, today I've had 500ml of summer fruits water, an orange juice juicebox, and a 500ml bottle of coke and I'm still thirsty. Ive been getting some weird tuggy pains in my belly today. Bugger!
Ive had a realllly itchy eye today, Bex has had it too, she thinks its the weather. My eczema is still shocking and its really sore when I scratch it (which isnt often).
Your picture today is of a flat like what my new one will be.
xoxo
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tuesday 4 October 2011
Aha I have officially admitted im in the christmas mood on Facebook.
Eeep, so excited!
With regards to the endo its not been too bad today. My insides are still a bit dodgy. Ive not really been tired today. Got my appetite back. I felt a bit shaky on my legs this afternoon.
Im realllllly thirsty at the moment though! Bah. I don't feel tired now even though its quite late!
There was a game at work today we had to get into pairs and one of us was blindfolded, the other was given a picture and we had to instruct the blindfolded one, how to draw it, without saying what it was. Matt and I won!! Yaaaaaay!
Thats about it really.
Today you can have a video instead. Its self explanatory
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYTnzNeTWmE
xoxo
Eeep, so excited!
With regards to the endo its not been too bad today. My insides are still a bit dodgy. Ive not really been tired today. Got my appetite back. I felt a bit shaky on my legs this afternoon.
Im realllllly thirsty at the moment though! Bah. I don't feel tired now even though its quite late!
There was a game at work today we had to get into pairs and one of us was blindfolded, the other was given a picture and we had to instruct the blindfolded one, how to draw it, without saying what it was. Matt and I won!! Yaaaaaay!
Thats about it really.
Today you can have a video instead. Its self explanatory
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYTnzNeTWmE
xoxo
Monday, October 3, 2011
Monday 3 October 2011
Christmas hurry up please? Cheers.
Payday get your ass this way! Many thanks.
Aha Im sooooooooo excited about christmas already, *I may be playing christmas songs* SHHHHH!
Im waiting for payday next month cos then I can buy all the pressies. Yaayness, then November paycheck and a bit ive already saved can go on Manchester :) Eeep. Exciting times!
Right sorry back to endo :/
Pretty much the same as yesterday, except my appetite is back, but nothing tastes nice! Bahhhh.
Everyone commented on my hair today - its a hit!
My belly and bladder went again today, argh so annoying, why wont they just work?!
3 weeks tomorrow I see Mr Fayle, I still have NO idea what I want to do if I cant have a laparoscopy. How do I decide if I should take the risk for the temporary menopause, knowing it may result that I can never have a child? But if I dont do it, there is NO guarantee in this lifetime that I can have one anyway.
Argh!
I've had a good day today, very smiley.
Im off to bed now though. Your picture today is my new hair :)
xoxo
Payday get your ass this way! Many thanks.
Aha Im sooooooooo excited about christmas already, *I may be playing christmas songs* SHHHHH!
Im waiting for payday next month cos then I can buy all the pressies. Yaayness, then November paycheck and a bit ive already saved can go on Manchester :) Eeep. Exciting times!
Right sorry back to endo :/
Pretty much the same as yesterday, except my appetite is back, but nothing tastes nice! Bahhhh.
Everyone commented on my hair today - its a hit!
My belly and bladder went again today, argh so annoying, why wont they just work?!
3 weeks tomorrow I see Mr Fayle, I still have NO idea what I want to do if I cant have a laparoscopy. How do I decide if I should take the risk for the temporary menopause, knowing it may result that I can never have a child? But if I dont do it, there is NO guarantee in this lifetime that I can have one anyway.
Argh!
I've had a good day today, very smiley.
Im off to bed now though. Your picture today is my new hair :)
xoxo
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Forgive me?
Aha first off, that title is aimed at YOU, yes, you, reading this post.
Sorry i've got another three day catch up! Good news is, I remembered to do it tonight!
Friday: What a shit day. No more said.
Saturday: NEW HAIR!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Ahh back to being dark again. Got fed up of the pink! It's too hard to maintain and everyone is doing it. I did it to be different. People were guessing my colour and coming up with green blue or orange, aha, cheers! Had a lovely day and night until about ten. I got a sore belly and my bladder just gave in :( For those who don't have endo, don't worry it doesn't mean I wet myself or anything haha, just basically non existant! Came home and the stupid woman next door was having a party, argh.
Sunday: Lazzzzy day with my boy! Good stuff! Ive been really sleepy today. Foods become a bit of a problem, I don't want to eat but I think something sounds nice and then its like. Bleugh, bin! Not a problem when Im trying to lose weight like but bah! This eczema is still shocking on my neck!
Anyhus off to bed for me as im cream crackered. Todays picture is a nice glass of water cause im parched
xoxo
Sorry i've got another three day catch up! Good news is, I remembered to do it tonight!
Friday: What a shit day. No more said.
Saturday: NEW HAIR!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Ahh back to being dark again. Got fed up of the pink! It's too hard to maintain and everyone is doing it. I did it to be different. People were guessing my colour and coming up with green blue or orange, aha, cheers! Had a lovely day and night until about ten. I got a sore belly and my bladder just gave in :( For those who don't have endo, don't worry it doesn't mean I wet myself or anything haha, just basically non existant! Came home and the stupid woman next door was having a party, argh.
Sunday: Lazzzzy day with my boy! Good stuff! Ive been really sleepy today. Foods become a bit of a problem, I don't want to eat but I think something sounds nice and then its like. Bleugh, bin! Not a problem when Im trying to lose weight like but bah! This eczema is still shocking on my neck!
Anyhus off to bed for me as im cream crackered. Todays picture is a nice glass of water cause im parched
xoxo
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