It's not been as long since my last blog, Haha I might just be getting back into this.
I feel today I should blog because its been a bit of a rough weekend :(
I had a nice chilled out night on Friday, lazing on the sofa, bit of pampering, nice relaxing bath and then promptly was sick. Fab. I should have expected it, it's been building up during the week. I just didn't think.
Saturday and Sunday, everything is fine.
Monday comes along and it was a miserable day (weather wise) so I think what to do. I know let's bake cakes! Everything was fine but it seems that the effort of whisking the mix and putting two lots in the oven and melting two lots of chocolate was too much and I was ill again. I couldn't actually believe it. An hour before i'd been smiling and happy and whisking cake mix and yet there I was, drifting off to sleep feeling and looking rubbish :(. I hate it.
SO today I went to work and felt a bit ill but thought nothing of it and with cold coke, (thanks Leffy!) went to Tescos after work and that was fine, came home made dinner as you do. After dinner I was watching the tele and I had this strange feeling. Looked down and my nose was bleeding. Unreal. I was never a nose bleedy kid. I have got to age 20 and still panic when I get a nose bleed. Thinking of it I had a snuffly nose since I went to bed last nite and thought nothing of it. Idiot.
There is more that I won't go into in the blog but it's safe to say - i'm not well. :( I'm gutted, everything in my life is amazing right now but then I feel like i've just been wiped out.
In other news, I bought a TENS Machine! I haven't had any pain to try it out on yet though. Damn it! I would rather pain than all this other shite now i've got a TENS! Bring it on! But I have hooked it up and everything so I know it works, I know how to set it up when i'm in pain and to see what it feels like. It doesnt really kick in until you set up the vibes up until about 8 for me and then it feels a bit like tense skin, but I have it set to ten and its like a teeny tiny person, like a pixie, walking back and forth across the inside of your tummy, how cool!
We counted the money in dads Money bottle on Sunday, we had more than ever before and there was so many pound coins in there, during his latter days, Grandad never had any pound coins and used to apologise he never had them to give to me (softy!). We worked out why on Sunday. Love you always Grandad! <3
Steph and Margaret came round last week, it felt so good to laugh with them. Margaret and I seem to go ages without a catch up, need to rectify that. It felt like forever since i'd seen Steph but while she was here, nothing had changed. I'm hoping to see her soon. I love you guys millions! <3
Everything in life is so good right now, I couldn't be happier apart from being better. :)
xoxo
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
One month on
OK so it's been just over a month since I had my lap, I feel in a position to comment just how its been.
There's been a lot more awareness on the television this week about Endometriosis, there was a lady in Casualty that had it and then a lady was on embarrassing bodies with it. It makes me feel better to see things like this. There isn't enough awareness anywhere about Endo. I feel now that there is people out there with this condition. I never thought I was the only one, I knew 2 million women in the UK had it but I didn't sort of believe it because I'd never met anyone with it, seen anyone with it, spoke to them. Granted I know that the lady on Casualty was only acting but nonetheless it was recognised. That woman on Embarrassing bodies, she was real. I'm glad the lady on Casualty was only an actress because the advice she was given was wrong, the BBC could have handled it alot better IMO. For anyone reading this that watched it, what was said was not entirely true. They mentioned one of the best things to do was go on the pill. This is an option yes, and was pushed onto me in the beginning, please don't feel that this is for the best if it doesn't suit you, its not the only option. There was also a mention of having an operation (laparoscopy) which would give you a five year ish gap to try for a baby but thats about it. This really got to me and is absolutely not true. You can try for a baby until you become menopausal like all other women. Endometriosis does not equal definite infertility. Some women are lucky to not have affected fertility such as the woman on embarrassing bodies. Infertility is a general term and can just mean it takes longer/more effort/more intervention to become pregnant, some people get pregnant at the drop of a hat but find it hard to maintain the pregnancy. Your fertility is not automatically doomed or restricted just because of Endometriosis.The woman on Embarrassing bodies, really did make me feel better. She had a laparoscopy and they showed it! It was VERY strange to see what would have happened to me. The tape on the eyes, the coloured tummy the moving the person over, where the cameras went in, everything! When they got in to her womb, they described her as having perfectly healthy ovaries, this was EXACTLY what was said to me before it was explained that you can still have cells, just not where they should be. Then it was highlighted that Lauren (I think that was her name) had webbing which was caused by Endo, and when they got through that, they found dark spots, they just looked like dark veins. It's made me want to see my pictures again to see if I have these dark lines as they looked familiar, I don't remember webbing. Anyway moving on!
I got an appointment to see the surgeon, the first thing I said when I was back on the ward is I did not want to see him again. I am fed up of him telling me I have IBS. I don't. I'm sorry but your wrong! I know what happens to my body and I have NO symptoms of IBS and a hell of a lot of Endometriosis symptoms. Out of all the medical people i've seen (10 on average, including doctors, nurses, gynaecologists, sonographers) you are the only one to disagree its Endometriosis. Anyway I'm cancelling this appointment. I am not going to see someone who will refer me to a bowel specialist, its a waste of mine and their time.
My scars! The one on my navel has gone completely. I can't tell where it was, if I'd only had that one, you would never know I'd had an operation, i'm amazed! The one on the bottom of my stomach, annoyingly is a very deep purple, still lumpy, and very obvious i'm afraid. This however was my fault not the surgeon's. I now I did too much in recovery and this is the result. Please please go easy!
Finally the endometriosis itself. I have felt a million times better in terms of mentally. I am in a constant state of happy since my operation, I obviously get annoyed at day to day things (such as the smelly tramp on the bus today!) like everyone else, but I don't get down anymore. I don't get muddled up in my head because I don't know whats wrong. It feels brilliant! I still get very tired and look forward to every weekend because I know I can sleep all day if needs be. I have however taken some iron tablets which helped slightly, I think its a mix of my anaemia and Endo that has caused the tiredness. More importantly the pain. I have to be honest and I really don't like saying this but, this month has been the worst pain wise so far this year I would say. Ive had pain thats made me stand still and hold my stomach like someone has just stabbed me, at totally random times, one I can recall is I was unlocking my front door and it hit me. The worst pain day I was at work. It lasted four long hours. It was uncontrollable like when I had the cell rupture. I had two tramadol and a paracetamol and they did nothing. I was panting like women in labour through them, I was stood up rocking, I was sat down squirming. I could not get comfy, I was in tears and everyone around me was fussing. It was horrible. I knew there was nothing that could be done about it I just had to ride it through. People thought I was going to pass out I thought I would at one point.
I still maintain that a laparoscopy was a positive. I can now at least say I tried it.
Wow what a mammoth post!
I'm off to bed!
xoxo
There's been a lot more awareness on the television this week about Endometriosis, there was a lady in Casualty that had it and then a lady was on embarrassing bodies with it. It makes me feel better to see things like this. There isn't enough awareness anywhere about Endo. I feel now that there is people out there with this condition. I never thought I was the only one, I knew 2 million women in the UK had it but I didn't sort of believe it because I'd never met anyone with it, seen anyone with it, spoke to them. Granted I know that the lady on Casualty was only acting but nonetheless it was recognised. That woman on Embarrassing bodies, she was real. I'm glad the lady on Casualty was only an actress because the advice she was given was wrong, the BBC could have handled it alot better IMO. For anyone reading this that watched it, what was said was not entirely true. They mentioned one of the best things to do was go on the pill. This is an option yes, and was pushed onto me in the beginning, please don't feel that this is for the best if it doesn't suit you, its not the only option. There was also a mention of having an operation (laparoscopy) which would give you a five year ish gap to try for a baby but thats about it. This really got to me and is absolutely not true. You can try for a baby until you become menopausal like all other women. Endometriosis does not equal definite infertility. Some women are lucky to not have affected fertility such as the woman on embarrassing bodies. Infertility is a general term and can just mean it takes longer/more effort/more intervention to become pregnant, some people get pregnant at the drop of a hat but find it hard to maintain the pregnancy. Your fertility is not automatically doomed or restricted just because of Endometriosis.The woman on Embarrassing bodies, really did make me feel better. She had a laparoscopy and they showed it! It was VERY strange to see what would have happened to me. The tape on the eyes, the coloured tummy the moving the person over, where the cameras went in, everything! When they got in to her womb, they described her as having perfectly healthy ovaries, this was EXACTLY what was said to me before it was explained that you can still have cells, just not where they should be. Then it was highlighted that Lauren (I think that was her name) had webbing which was caused by Endo, and when they got through that, they found dark spots, they just looked like dark veins. It's made me want to see my pictures again to see if I have these dark lines as they looked familiar, I don't remember webbing. Anyway moving on!
I got an appointment to see the surgeon, the first thing I said when I was back on the ward is I did not want to see him again. I am fed up of him telling me I have IBS. I don't. I'm sorry but your wrong! I know what happens to my body and I have NO symptoms of IBS and a hell of a lot of Endometriosis symptoms. Out of all the medical people i've seen (10 on average, including doctors, nurses, gynaecologists, sonographers) you are the only one to disagree its Endometriosis. Anyway I'm cancelling this appointment. I am not going to see someone who will refer me to a bowel specialist, its a waste of mine and their time.
My scars! The one on my navel has gone completely. I can't tell where it was, if I'd only had that one, you would never know I'd had an operation, i'm amazed! The one on the bottom of my stomach, annoyingly is a very deep purple, still lumpy, and very obvious i'm afraid. This however was my fault not the surgeon's. I now I did too much in recovery and this is the result. Please please go easy!
Finally the endometriosis itself. I have felt a million times better in terms of mentally. I am in a constant state of happy since my operation, I obviously get annoyed at day to day things (such as the smelly tramp on the bus today!) like everyone else, but I don't get down anymore. I don't get muddled up in my head because I don't know whats wrong. It feels brilliant! I still get very tired and look forward to every weekend because I know I can sleep all day if needs be. I have however taken some iron tablets which helped slightly, I think its a mix of my anaemia and Endo that has caused the tiredness. More importantly the pain. I have to be honest and I really don't like saying this but, this month has been the worst pain wise so far this year I would say. Ive had pain thats made me stand still and hold my stomach like someone has just stabbed me, at totally random times, one I can recall is I was unlocking my front door and it hit me. The worst pain day I was at work. It lasted four long hours. It was uncontrollable like when I had the cell rupture. I had two tramadol and a paracetamol and they did nothing. I was panting like women in labour through them, I was stood up rocking, I was sat down squirming. I could not get comfy, I was in tears and everyone around me was fussing. It was horrible. I knew there was nothing that could be done about it I just had to ride it through. People thought I was going to pass out I thought I would at one point.
I still maintain that a laparoscopy was a positive. I can now at least say I tried it.
Wow what a mammoth post!
I'm off to bed!
xoxo
Monday, March 26, 2012
Oh wow where to start
I cant beleive its been five months since I blogged. I apologise if this is long and waffled.
In that time there has been positives and negatives.
Positives: Moved flat, been on holiday, had christmas and new year
Negatives: Lost my wonderful grandad, I was the apple of his eye and I love him and miss him dearly, almost lost my precious kitty cat and became single.
But theres one more thing. Ten days ago I had a laparoscopy. I fought for a year and a half for it and I won! Don't give up, its your body, your illness and your treatment and noone has the right to stand in the way of that.
Unfortunately I am one of those 'not uncommon' unlucky ones who has these nice little cells that are not in a blindingly obvious place and therefore could not be removed. People have asked if i'll have another op. The answer is no. If they go digging further they could damage something beyond repair. Im not willing to take that risk. Although the operation 'wasn't a success' I still feel it was the best thing i'd ever done. I got time to find me again because since I last blogged with everything that happened I lost myself, I seemed to give myself here there and everywhere, until I didn't feel anything anymore and ended my relationship. Then I spent a while in a 'mourning' period. But having that operation was like flicking a switch and made me stronger as a person. I had five days on my own to think and remember just who I am. Ive had a spring in my step again and just feel generally better. Anyway i'm rambling.
After the op I had a sore throat where they shove a camera down it (ooer) my tummy was a bit sore for a while but after the pain you get from Endometriosis it pails into insignificance. The worst bit by far is not being able to do anything, not being able to sit. I had the op on the Friday and after getting up and down off the couch, in and out of bed by Saturday lunch my wounds were bleeding and I had to go back to my mums, she really looked after me, she washed my hair for me bless. Sunday I came home and was in the shower I bled quite a bit I thought I was going to have to go back to the ward. Monday I went round tesco, it was murder, I was so sore by the time I got half way round, please if you have a laparoscopy dont underestimate anything. It is hard work. But if I didnt do it, no one else did. I went back to work the Thursday after however had picked up a bug while in hospital for those whole 12 hours! God. So went back in Friday and stayed in. Its still sore now but yet again is a very small pain. I have to get up every couple of hours to go for a walk if ive not been lying down because of where they cut its a bit sore. I can see one of the wounds its like someone has got purple pen and drawn a little line, its quite funky really! I cant see the one in my belly button they did a really good job! Id say ive had more 'stingy' pain from my wounds than achy pain from my tummy.
For the pain now, mum has read about TENS machines helping and we're going to invest in a portable one. For the other effects? Well i've managed two years right? I will keep going.
My cousins wife has started a blog, reading that made me restart mine. Laura, we love you for you, remember that. I am so proud of my big cus for finding someone as magical as you! I couldnt ask for a better wife for him. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, because it probably won't. Just because the sun isn't shining right now, it will one day, just because it feels wrong doesnt mean it is, but people telling you everythings alright doesn't mean it is either. No matter how everything looks, you are always a beautiful person to a lot of people who love you dearly xxx
My amazing best friends, I miss you and I'm sorry for everything getting lost in the mash up. You are never far from my mind. xx
Matt, I'm sorry it didn't work but remember we were happy and those memories will carry on for as long as you hold them x
For any readers, wondering where you go with Endometriosis, you have to do what you feel is right for YOU! Nobody else will benefit more than you.
xx
In that time there has been positives and negatives.
Positives: Moved flat, been on holiday, had christmas and new year
Negatives: Lost my wonderful grandad, I was the apple of his eye and I love him and miss him dearly, almost lost my precious kitty cat and became single.
But theres one more thing. Ten days ago I had a laparoscopy. I fought for a year and a half for it and I won! Don't give up, its your body, your illness and your treatment and noone has the right to stand in the way of that.
Unfortunately I am one of those 'not uncommon' unlucky ones who has these nice little cells that are not in a blindingly obvious place and therefore could not be removed. People have asked if i'll have another op. The answer is no. If they go digging further they could damage something beyond repair. Im not willing to take that risk. Although the operation 'wasn't a success' I still feel it was the best thing i'd ever done. I got time to find me again because since I last blogged with everything that happened I lost myself, I seemed to give myself here there and everywhere, until I didn't feel anything anymore and ended my relationship. Then I spent a while in a 'mourning' period. But having that operation was like flicking a switch and made me stronger as a person. I had five days on my own to think and remember just who I am. Ive had a spring in my step again and just feel generally better. Anyway i'm rambling.
After the op I had a sore throat where they shove a camera down it (ooer) my tummy was a bit sore for a while but after the pain you get from Endometriosis it pails into insignificance. The worst bit by far is not being able to do anything, not being able to sit. I had the op on the Friday and after getting up and down off the couch, in and out of bed by Saturday lunch my wounds were bleeding and I had to go back to my mums, she really looked after me, she washed my hair for me bless. Sunday I came home and was in the shower I bled quite a bit I thought I was going to have to go back to the ward. Monday I went round tesco, it was murder, I was so sore by the time I got half way round, please if you have a laparoscopy dont underestimate anything. It is hard work. But if I didnt do it, no one else did. I went back to work the Thursday after however had picked up a bug while in hospital for those whole 12 hours! God. So went back in Friday and stayed in. Its still sore now but yet again is a very small pain. I have to get up every couple of hours to go for a walk if ive not been lying down because of where they cut its a bit sore. I can see one of the wounds its like someone has got purple pen and drawn a little line, its quite funky really! I cant see the one in my belly button they did a really good job! Id say ive had more 'stingy' pain from my wounds than achy pain from my tummy.
For the pain now, mum has read about TENS machines helping and we're going to invest in a portable one. For the other effects? Well i've managed two years right? I will keep going.
My cousins wife has started a blog, reading that made me restart mine. Laura, we love you for you, remember that. I am so proud of my big cus for finding someone as magical as you! I couldnt ask for a better wife for him. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, because it probably won't. Just because the sun isn't shining right now, it will one day, just because it feels wrong doesnt mean it is, but people telling you everythings alright doesn't mean it is either. No matter how everything looks, you are always a beautiful person to a lot of people who love you dearly xxx
My amazing best friends, I miss you and I'm sorry for everything getting lost in the mash up. You are never far from my mind. xx
Matt, I'm sorry it didn't work but remember we were happy and those memories will carry on for as long as you hold them x
For any readers, wondering where you go with Endometriosis, you have to do what you feel is right for YOU! Nobody else will benefit more than you.
xx
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