I cant beleive its been five months since I blogged. I apologise if this is long and waffled.
In that time there has been positives and negatives.
Positives: Moved flat, been on holiday, had christmas and new year
Negatives: Lost my wonderful grandad, I was the apple of his eye and I love him and miss him dearly, almost lost my precious kitty cat and became single.
But theres one more thing. Ten days ago I had a laparoscopy. I fought for a year and a half for it and I won! Don't give up, its your body, your illness and your treatment and noone has the right to stand in the way of that.
Unfortunately I am one of those 'not uncommon' unlucky ones who has these nice little cells that are not in a blindingly obvious place and therefore could not be removed. People have asked if i'll have another op. The answer is no. If they go digging further they could damage something beyond repair. Im not willing to take that risk. Although the operation 'wasn't a success' I still feel it was the best thing i'd ever done. I got time to find me again because since I last blogged with everything that happened I lost myself, I seemed to give myself here there and everywhere, until I didn't feel anything anymore and ended my relationship. Then I spent a while in a 'mourning' period. But having that operation was like flicking a switch and made me stronger as a person. I had five days on my own to think and remember just who I am. Ive had a spring in my step again and just feel generally better. Anyway i'm rambling.
After the op I had a sore throat where they shove a camera down it (ooer) my tummy was a bit sore for a while but after the pain you get from Endometriosis it pails into insignificance. The worst bit by far is not being able to do anything, not being able to sit. I had the op on the Friday and after getting up and down off the couch, in and out of bed by Saturday lunch my wounds were bleeding and I had to go back to my mums, she really looked after me, she washed my hair for me bless. Sunday I came home and was in the shower I bled quite a bit I thought I was going to have to go back to the ward. Monday I went round tesco, it was murder, I was so sore by the time I got half way round, please if you have a laparoscopy dont underestimate anything. It is hard work. But if I didnt do it, no one else did. I went back to work the Thursday after however had picked up a bug while in hospital for those whole 12 hours! God. So went back in Friday and stayed in. Its still sore now but yet again is a very small pain. I have to get up every couple of hours to go for a walk if ive not been lying down because of where they cut its a bit sore. I can see one of the wounds its like someone has got purple pen and drawn a little line, its quite funky really! I cant see the one in my belly button they did a really good job! Id say ive had more 'stingy' pain from my wounds than achy pain from my tummy.
For the pain now, mum has read about TENS machines helping and we're going to invest in a portable one. For the other effects? Well i've managed two years right? I will keep going.
My cousins wife has started a blog, reading that made me restart mine. Laura, we love you for you, remember that. I am so proud of my big cus for finding someone as magical as you! I couldnt ask for a better wife for him. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, because it probably won't. Just because the sun isn't shining right now, it will one day, just because it feels wrong doesnt mean it is, but people telling you everythings alright doesn't mean it is either. No matter how everything looks, you are always a beautiful person to a lot of people who love you dearly xxx
My amazing best friends, I miss you and I'm sorry for everything getting lost in the mash up. You are never far from my mind. xx
Matt, I'm sorry it didn't work but remember we were happy and those memories will carry on for as long as you hold them x
For any readers, wondering where you go with Endometriosis, you have to do what you feel is right for YOU! Nobody else will benefit more than you.
xx
