:'(
Friday: I was painted as a cat at work, it was soo cool! I was buddying with Louisa watching her do cases after shed watch me do them, I had a right laugh. We got our prize for the competition, a big tin of heroes, YUM! Think me and my boy will have to have a nice night in with them. I went out for a couple of hours but my feetses got sore so I came home early. It was a nice night with Matt. Id been happy all week, it had such a positive effect on our relationship.
Saturday: This is where it all goes wrong. My stomach was soo sore yesterday. I was screaming in pain, I almost went back to hospital. Its official - the cocodamol has stopped working :( I was dreading this. I don't know what to do, or where to go from here. I took a tramadol and it knocked me out, I was in a lot of pain until I fell asleep and was fine when I woke up. I was normal for a couple of hours after. I took another tramadol before I went out but was sat in the manxy and was in a fair amount of pain again, it was really uncomfortable but I was adamant I wanted to watch Karaoke! I came home and went to sleep.
Sunday: Its been a bit better today but i've been in a permanent state of tiredness, when im not lying down its sore. Its really uncomfortable to sit for too long. It weakens me to stand, I just want to flop. I dont want to take any more tablets because I need to get out of this state of tiredness.
This weekend has made me think about my appointment. What do I do if I can't have this op? :'( Part of me thought the temporary menopause is my next option. But how do I decide if the risk is worth it. I put up with all of this crap because one day I want to be a mum. If I take that drug, and I never come out of menopause, I will kick myself until the day I die. I will feel like somebody has ripped my heart out and run away with my dreams aswell. I cant put myself in that position. Besides I've read all the side effects and I would rather suffer with what I know than find a whole new world of feeling horrible.
Or I get pumped full of drugs and mess my body up even more and when I stop those drugs... when this pain returns and it is ten times worse because its had however long to build up.... how do I fix that?
If thats my options, I would rather scream in pain, knowing that it will be over with in a couple of days.
I don't want to do this. I want it to go away. I want to be normal.
Im sorry this post is sad and I want to go back to being happy, I will be when this pain is gone, but right now, im scared, so so scared.
xoxo
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