Wednesday 28 September & Thursday 29 September 2011

Wednesday 28: I was quite tired again, I was in a big grump and I don't know why. I know it frustrates Matt when I won't cheer up. I wish I could tell him whats wrong. But the truth is... I just don't know. It's just 'one of them moods'.

Thursday 29: I got a good nights sleep last night so wasnt too tired when I woke up this morning. My exczema is soo bad at the moment, its all up my neck :( Its really itchy and when I scratch its sore. Im not scratching as much as I used to which is good. It looks so unsightly aswell. I however REFUSE to put make up on my neck, i've never done that. Foundation is so expensive so im not slapping loads of it on anywhere other than my face. People will just have to deal with seeing it.

In other news I have a month to drop two dress sizes. Fuck. HELP!

PMA Kim - I can do this.

OK todays picture lets have a nice pair of jeans to emphasise the weight loss.


xoxo

Tuesday 27 September

Is it really only Tuesday? Booo!

I got added on Facebook by somebody I deleted during a bad time last year, it was a nice surprise. Thank you lovely!

I've been much better today a lot less tired however I have one grumble and thats my flaming foot! It is sooooooooo sore, it's like the pain you get in your leg but its just moved from the leg and is sat in my foot. Its redicilus!

I've not been too hungry today but im not complaining. I can't wait for the weekend to get here!

Your picture today is a smiley face after something today



xoxo

Sunday 25 & Monday 26 September 2011

Sunday: I had an alright day yesterday was tired by the end of the night. I had a sore tummy in the morning and was ill. I was OK when I went to lunch with Matt though. It was weird. I bumped into someone from work who said shed been to hospital because she had a sore tummy all weekend and they couldnt work out what it was. I know how that feels. We booked our flights for Manchester, £250!!! What a joke! But still, had to be done, looking forward to going now.

Monday: Today was shocking. I woke up so tired that I had the funny feeling in my chest and tummy. I stayed in bed until half eight. I wasn't going in, I might at lunch time if it got better. Matt made me go in. I came home at half 11, the feeling wasn't going away and almost reduced me to tears. That wasn't fair for me or for others having to put up with my mood. I came home and had a snooze, felt a bit light headed. Onwards and upwards heres to tomorrow being better!

Todays picture is an aeroplane (because we booked the flights)



xoxo

Saturday 24 September 2011

Today was a weird day.

I've felt quite down. I've not eaten much but when I did I felt sick. I've got no motivation, infact I just seemed to spend most of the day in bed, my mum came round as usual. I'm just looking forward to spending time with Matt tomorrow.

My back was really sore at one point and belly pains have been coming and going throughout the day.

Thats about it really.

xoxo

Friday 23 September

I got paid today!!! Happy days a proper monthly wage for the first time in soo long. Yaayness!

I had a bit of a weird day.

Was still SHATTERED when I woke up. I had a nightmare day at work, nothing went right. We went out last night to watch Helen play darts.

I had a Blueberry ST Helier, Raspberry Sourz & Lemonade, Vodka & Orange and A water oh and a coke. I came home early for two reasons

1) I was still tired. Bah.

2) I was thinking bout Steph and Ali jetting off for spain, or more should I say I was thinking about not being in Tenerife. It's weird I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop missing it. It's like being home sick. Except its not home, does that make sense? Like now, i'd be in the pool playing water volley or whatever the game is.

I'm thinking about just going next year, even just on my own. Just booking ten days or even a week and just being there. Steph I doubt would want to leave Ali or could afford it and get the time off because I think her and Ali have holiday plans for next year too. I even considered taking my dad but a) he can't go because of Grandad and b) thats a bad idea we'd end up fighting. So it looks like it would just be easier to go along, it's getting the courage to do it because I'd look like a right saddo. For those reading, just to clear up, I'm not like a loner or anything. I know however no matter who I went with, if it wasn't Matt i'd miss him, and TBH i'll probably hate it. But i'd rather regret what I did than what I didn't do.

I came home and got really weird pains in my tummy they were sharp and stabby but didnt last very long at all.

Your picture today? A raspberry ripple (drink)


xoxo

Two day catch up

God I suck at this blogging lark this week don't I!

Yesterday: I can't even remember back to yesterday. Gosh thats shocking! As far as I can remember I felt like, dare I say it, A normal girl yesterday. I wasnt ill, or tired, or sad, or sick. Wow. Why is it that when I have a good day, I have nothing to say?

Today: Today hasnt been too bad, Im VERY tired now though and i've had the most terrible heartburn today, I actually thought I was going to spew walking home. It was ming. I was quite irritable at work today. I can tell you exactly what caused my heartburn today, it was the baileys I had last night. Bah.

Steph and Ali go away tomorrow to spain for two weeks I think. I hope they have an amazzzing time! Wish I was going somewhere hot, Im hoping to convince Matt to go to tenerife even just for a week. :/

Your picture is of The Bahia Princess hotel in Tenerife, one of my favourite places.



God, just looking at it brings all the memories flooding back, i'd give anything to be there right now. This year is the first in such a long time i've not been. I miss that place so much.

xoxo

Three day catch up! Sorry!

Ooops, sorry guys been a bit hectic!

OK Here goes

Sunday: I spent all day doing nothing. Matt was hungover so I just waited in for him to come round Sunday night. I wasn't hungover or anything I don't remember feeling anything Endo wise. I was on a bit of a down though, there was no reason behind it.

Monday: Was Matt's Birthday - Happy 23rd baby! He liked his pressie :) I got him a signed Guy Martin Picture and A Liverpool duck. Unfortunately I had to work but he has the week off. We went out for lunch and then out for tea too. We went to the pub but only for a couple and I had water and 1 WKD so not alot of alcohol. I had to kill a massive spider, it was horrible! Bleugh. Hate them! I was in a bit of a grump again and I still can't explain it, I guess i've just hit a low patch.

Today: I went to the doctors today to have my ears sorted. It is the weirdest feeling in the world. It's not sore it kinda tickles. I picked up my new bag today aswell :) I really like it. It was so nice to lie in this morning. I had to kill another one of those massive spiders again. I still hate them. I was hungry today but then when I got food I didn't want it, even though it was my favourite dinner, :/ I was cheery for most of the day but still a bit low. Matt mentioned it today. I wish I could give a reason but I just can't and it frustrates me that he wants me to cheer up or tell him whats wrong when in all honesty theres nothing wrong that I know of and I do try and be cheery like today when I notice these patches. I hate this part of Endo, the mental side of it because your expected to control that bit and you cant.

Today you can have a picture of my gorgeous birthday boy!



xoxo

Saturday 17 September 2011

Nothing much has happened today either.

Mum came round. We went out for Matt's meal with all our friends. It was alright, food was a bit naff but meh. Went and had a few drinks in Jaks. Throughout the night i've had:

2 WKDs
1 Coke
1 Orange
2 Choc pop shots - Creme De Menthe and Baileys
Half a raspberry sourz and lemonade

I surprisingly feel fine.

The only noticable thing today was a bit of irratability at the start of the night and now quite tired.

Your picture today is a choc pop



xoxo

Friday 16 September 2011

Today was better than yesterday, I guess.

There was nothing during the day that was endo related, quite nice.

Last night well it wasnt the best. Amongst other things I came home with a headache.

I don't want to say anymore for today.

xoxo

Thursday 15 September 2011

This illness sucks.

I can't beleive the hold it had on me at one point today. I was so angry at myself.

I was at work and felt really sick, Caroline has to jump in as I leg it out the office. That wasn't fair.

Nothing else went wrong today but that did and it shouldn't. :'(

Matt asked if I was OK. Yeh I was, my body wasn't but I was. He told me to take ten minutes, there was no point. I'd been sick, I was fine. I didn't feel sick before or after just knew I was going to be sick.

You could tell nobody understood as I ran past.

I don't want to explain. I don't expect people to know either.

There isnt a picture today as i'm pretty busy. Sorry guys!

xoxo

Wednesday 14 September 2011

Argh. This ear is doing my head right in!

It popped today at about ten o clock it was amaaaaaaazing. It was brill until matt and I were play fighting tonight and yup it popped back again. Balls. I managed to get it unpop after my shower again but then I had to put the olive oil in again and its clogged it up :( This isn't fun!

My endo's not been too bad today. Got a very sore pain in my back this afternoon but passed pretty soon. Have felt sick tonight but I put that down to eating too much.

Had a lovely night with Matt, Can't wait for the weekend and to spoil him on his birthday.

Eeep, hope he likes his present.

I'm still thinking about christmas, how bad is that! I've got three birthdays and a holiday to think about before then. :(

I want it to be December already!

Today's picture is a balloon, because I feel like it! It sums up exactly how I feel ATM



xoxo

Tuesday 13 September 2011

Argh, I want to be able to hear!

Haha I probably should explain. I've gone deaf in one ear, its been blocked ALL day. It's so annoying. I have just put some olive oil in it (pharmacy not cooking stuff!) to clear it, but i'm still waiting for it to clear. Bah!

I went to see the doctor today as I had back pain again and was very tired this morning, I also had the most terrible pain this morning, I had to sit down. It was awful!

I was sat there this morning thinking this isn't right especially with the feeling 'off' the past couple of days. I thought it was beginning to feel like last week all over again. I rang the doctor and got an appointment.

I went and explained what happened last week and how I felt now. I asked if there was a way she could tell or a way we could stop it happening and what caused it.

Basically there is no way of telling. It was very possible that it could happen again, if one cell has burst and it was attached to another, that one could go too.

There is no way of stopping it. If it's gonna go, it's gonna go and thats it. :( That sucks!

What causes is them mainly is three things,

1) Stress - if you put yourself under stress it is bound to have a bad effect on your body for anyone, for Endometriosis sufferers it could irritate the cells.

2) Hormones - any change in hormones can affect the cells.

3) Pressure - When you are pregnant if you have a hard blow to the stomach then you can potentially harm the baby. If you have Endometriosis and have a hard blow to the stomach you are applying pressure to the cells.

BAH!

Today's picture is an ear purely because mine is annoying me!



xoxo

Monday 12 September 2011

Today has been a bit better.

I have had a couple of times today where I got a really bad pain! I can only compare it to what I assume when a pregnant woman gets a braxton hick. That sort of stand still and hold your belly with the look of utter shock on your face, pain. Not fun.

I went to get Matt's present today and then wrapped it tonight. That gave me a sore back.

I lost on that bag on ebay, I was leading at like 53 seconds to go :( I've ordered a sort of similar completely different one from amazon. Ho hum.

The exhaust fell off Matt's mums peugeot today. Bloody hell. Good news though, sasquatch can be fixed. Stewie's never failed to fix anything yet.

I've been sleepy today but nowhere near as sleepy as the other days.

I have a small confession to make. *I'm playing christmas songs*

I KNOW it's months away yet but but but it was wrapping Matt's present and planning how much I need to save that got me thinking of christmas. Im sooooo excited about christmas this year! Last year was absolutely awesome, Steph and I spent most of it out socialising, I'd just got the flat, there was snow. This year I have a better apartment, i'm hoping it will snow again but the best bit is that i'll have Matt to share it with (hopefully)

Eeeeeep!

Todays picture im sorry but its a festive one!



xoxo

Sunday 11 September 2011

Argh, ANOTHER rubbish day. I know I wasn't gonna be instantly better after Wednesday but come on, that was four days ago now, I want to feel as best as I can.

I was up until three, yes three this morning. By two my body was telling me it had had enough but I had to stay awake to hear Matt ring the bell. At three I went to go and get him as I physically couldn't wait up any longer.

Anyway we went to sleep and I woke up this morning. I assumed it was about 9ish. It was eleven. Oops. We went for brekkie and then got ready for a work hog roast. I was waiting for Matt and even though i was wearing a hoody I was soooooo cold. I never used to feel the cold, I feel like this has just attacked everything that made me, me.

We got to the hog roast at three as it said one til late. It turned out as we got there, everyone was getting ready to go. OK. I was fine when we got there and then I got a pain in my belly but it went, next thing that feeling came back, the one I had last night where I felt funny but couldn't pin point what it was. Matt bought me home. I think i've worked out what it is. Its tiredness but it makes the whole top of my body feel weird. :(

I came back and just lay in bed. I had some tea but I wasnt even hungry and now feel sick. I'm off to bed as i'm still shattered!

Today's picture is one that Ali thinks is amazing, I really don't see why, yes it's Katy Perry in a pretty cool dress but still....



xoxo

Saturday 10 September 2011

:( Home alone!

Today has been a bit meh.

I woke up quite sore so took a cocodamol which eased it, matt wanted to cuddle up with me and rest his head on my belly. It hurt. I didn't have the heart to tell him. Anybody without endo can do it, so why shouldn't I. Oh yeh cos I have a crappy disease that means i'm not normal.

Mum came round and we played cards, it was nice to see her.

Matt came back at about 4 and said quick we're going to Onchan in twenty minutes. I still needed a shower.

I had vodka and orange at the pub and ended up in sooo much pain and discomfort and feeling sick. At the age of 19 I cant drink.

I've been alone since 9ish. I've felt weird tonight but I cant put my finger on what it is.

Todays picture is orange juice. What was once lovely stuff.


xoxo

Friday 9 September 2011

That morphine has definitely worn off. Shame.

I was busy today it was nice to be able to be busy. I've been a bit uncomfortable today. I went really light headed at lunch, was fine after a can of coke and some of my roll. Must have been low blood sugar.

I got given a very pretty cake from one of my managers today. We went to the pub and played cards. It's been ages since I played cards!

I only had one blue WKD and then switched to water. Drinking isn't a sensible thing to do ATM.

Apart from a smidge of pain and light headedness its not been too bad a day.

In other news, I got paid but im £50 down as it was a bank holiday last week and I don't get paid for them. I do as of monday!

Todays picture is cards as it was the most interesting part of my day!



xoxo

Thursday 8 September 2011

Today has been sort of normal really.

I didn't go to work until half 8 today so I got a bit of a lie in, it felt really nice! I had a great nights sleep. That morphine is good stuff!

My arm has ached today but that's where the IV line has been. I felt quite 'happy' on the Morphine still this morning. It started to wear off this afternoon. I've not been too sore, I did take a co codamol just to be on the safe side. I have taken it really easy today.

As much as I wanted to be like everyone else and not let this hold me back, i've realised that im not 'normal' and i'm certainly not superwoman. My mum beleives that me doing too much at work (and in general, because I wasn't taking it any easier in any other areas) has contributed to yesterdays antics. She's right.

I don't want to have another cell burst. Especially not in the near future!

My dad gave me cans of red relentless and I took one to work today it only had a hole in it! It's ruined my bag! I'm bidding on Ebay for one exactly the same. Wish me luck!

Everybody has been asking how I am, thank you for all your support everyone.

I'm off to bed as im very sleepy!

Please feel free to comment guys.

Your picture today is..... the bag i'm bidding on :)



xoxo

Wednesday 7th September 2011

What a day!

The pain was a bit better this morning but I thought i'd ring Mr Fayle to make sure. I tried calling and got his secretary's answer machine. Bah! Work was chocka and I missed his call. So I called back and got the machine and waited again.

About half 12 the pain got REALLY bad in my stomach. I took a Tramadol at quarter to 1. I couldn't sit still it didn't help. I called my dad who said to go to A and E at 4 when Matt finished. Then Mr Fayle's secretary called back and when I explained that after Tramadol I was still in pain she told me to go to A and E then and there.

I was in A and E for an hour. I got taken through to a treatment room and after about 10 mins I was crying in pain cradling my stomach and leaning on a slant. The nurse man looked at me and stood at the door. His words were 'The girl with Endometriosis needs treatment NOW!' The girl with Endometriosis. I beg your pardon. She has a name!

Anyway, he comes in with the doctor and a tray of stuff. They took three tubes of blood, put in an IV line, got me lay down, and put three mil of Morphine me. I was drifting in and out so I had an oxygen mask put on. I was all alone, I was scared and sad. They called my mum and she came up.

I was in hospital for four hours. They think one of the Endometriotic cells burst and bled into the pelvis. They asked if I wanted to stay in or be treated as an outpatient. I just wanted to go home. I was walking out and felt sick. So I had to stay for another 20 mins while I had another anti-sickness and it kicked in. If it comes back I have to go right back in and will need to be admitted.

All in all a very hectic day!

For those of you with Endometriosis, if you ever get pain like that please go to your local A and E they CAN help you.

I told everyone on Facebook. I've had a lot of well wishers. I just hope they don't see me as 'The one with Endometriosis'

You can have two pictures today. The first is me when I was being treated. The second is me and Matt when we got together as we celebrated our 8 months today :)



xoxo

Tuesday 6th September

Today has been a lot like yesterday.

I slept through an alarm again. :( My chest, legs, back and belly have been sore
again. I wanted to be one hundred percent sure this was OK so I called the doctors surgery. I got some doctor ring me back. I explained I had Endometriosis and asked if it was normal. I was told 'Oh I don't know anything about Endometriosis so I don't know' GAHHHHHHH!

I emailed my mum today and she said that I am overdoing it - especially with the condition I have. I don't want it holding me back though.

I felt quite sick today but it passed. I ate my tea too so all good!

I think the UTI has gone (yaay!) and the belly pain has been a lot better, if i'd have just had that I don't think I'd have taken a pain killer as it was bearable.

If i'm still in pain tomorrow, I will call Mr Fayle and just see what he says. God I hope I don't have to go up the hospital but i've taken cocodamol the past two days and i'm not even on. Bugger.

Speaking of which I looked at the packet today and some muppet of a pharmacist has given me 15/500 of Co-codamol when I used to be on 30/500 I looked at my repeat script and it says clearly that I need 30/500 so I have to find out how many of the wrong ones I've got. Eugh.

I'm off to bed because im FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZING! Brrr!

I've decided to add pictures (if I remember/can think of one/i'm not on my phone)

Today, You can have Jessie J as thats what I've been listening too while typing this.



xoxo

Monday 5 September 2011

It's been exactly a month since I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. I know technically I have had this all my life but I didn't know for 19 years, yet knowing for a month feels like i've known a lifetime. Does that make sense?

I sometimes feel like 'coming clean' on facebook. My back was really sore at the end of the day and I had to ask someone at work to push my back. She thought I was strange. She asked why it was sore. I couldn't tell her, I just said 'It sometimes happens' I feel like I'm ready but what do I put and if I do, will I regret it? What if people don't know what the hell i'm on about or why I've done it?

This UTI is still here. I've been in pain ALL day. I wish I was permanent already (only another week) and I didn't have this project because I think today I would have gone home. My belly was sore because of this UTI, my legs were sore with the normal leg pain that comes with Endometriosis, My back was sore and my chest is sore for some reason. :( Officially feeling sorry for myself right now.

I was hungry all morning but tonight i've left almost all my dinner, had about four forkfulls. Ive had three small snack a jacks.

I've been so tired today, I slept through one alarm and it was only when Matt text me that I woke up :( I have yawned from the minute I got into work and it was continuous from about 4. I felt sorry for a guy at work who was trying to roll out his project thing, I must have appeared so rude. I'll have to apologise for that tomorrow. Shit.

Helen at work gave me a lift home, well halfway, I was already half way when she caught up. That meant a lot to me, it's stupid it was just a lift.

Tired, sore, confused - sums me up right now. I hate Endometriosis.

xoxo

Weekend catch up!

Ooops! I forget/don't make time to do this at weekends. Sorry! In my defence I did try to do Friday on Saturday morning but then my pancakes came. You have to excuse a girl when pancakes are mentioned, surely? :)

Friday 2 September 2011 - I didn't get paid. Annoying. Will now have to wait until Monday and have threatened going to the government and claiming non receipt of wages. I had a very sore back at work. I had a sore belly too oh and a UTI. I've had a spot explosion, pimples everywhere. Eugh.

Saturday 3 September 2011 - That sore back is still here, but so is the UTI so i'm assuming they're connected. Matt and Steph have been pushing my back all night trying to make it better. I won 7 at the casino :)

Sunday 4 September 2011 - I've been soooo tired today! I couldn't wake up this morning. The UTI seems a bit better not as noticeable and the back pain has gone almost. I felt sick today though. Yuck. I came across this story tonight - http://tallchick18.tripod.com/RyeStory.html please please read it. This girl bought tears to my eyes.

I'm off to bed as I have to be up early.

xoxo

Thursday 1 September 2011 - Catch up!

I've somehow forgotten to post yesterday which is weird cos im sure I did! Anyhoo, double day catch up.

Wednesday 31 August - I woke up sooo tired! I got dressed and ready in such a rush so that I could get back into bed for 10 minutes. I went to work at 8. I worked my lunch and stayed until half seven. My dad came to see me afterwards. I was so tired, I felt very weak and dazed when I left work yesterday. My appetites come back. :/

Today - I started at 8 again and it was just as hard to get up! I did exactly the same as yesterday. Oops! I also worked through lunch and until half seven today. From about 4 onwards I had really bad back pain, yet another effect of Endometriosis. All the joys with this condition isn't there!

I'm shattered so i'm off to bed. Weekend tomorrow :)

xox0