Tuesday 30 August 2011

Today's been a bit meh.

I woke up REALLY tired. I say woke up I didn't feel awake AT ALL.

It didn't really get much better.

I worked through my lunch but did eat lunch. I felt like I was cramming it in. I had half a bottle of coke, a sub roll with chicken Mayo and salad & a bag of crisps. Not a massive amount.

Then after work I went to tesco. I picked up some bread that was so fresh it was really warm! The lady at the checkout said 'your bread...is fresh' careful love with intellect like that you could be a rocket scientist.

I then made my favourite dinner but only managed to eat half of it. I dont know where my appetite has gone!

Matt came round tonight as a surprise we had a lovely time.

Sadly my aunties cat was put down today :'(

Off to bed as I'm tired and have to be up at 6:45. Killer!

Apologies for lack of italics and colour this post was sent from my iPhone.

Xoxo

Bank holiday weekend.

Friday: not too bad actually work stressed me out in the morning but that wasn't effected by the endo. Didnt drink alcohol watched the inbetweeners movie which is brill! I'd never seen inbetweeners before cos I thought they were shite. That movie isn't. I would urge you to go see it if you haven't!!

Saturday: I felt a bit iffy. I got quite tired and didn't want much to eat or drink. I had half a sandwich a chicken burger and some chips. I had one cocktail when out and some water. I did however get back into my size ten jeans!

Sunday: I was tired again and it really got to me in the night. I didn't want anything to drink not even water. I was tired and really just not good.

Today has been really good I've not been tired had a nice day out. Had a lovely night in. Not felt ill. Ready for my pit now though!

Sorry there's no italics or colour sent from my iPhone and has taken me an age to type!

Xoxo

Thursday 24 August 2011

I need to grow a pair.

I'm quite miffed and TBH even I think i'm out of order.

Today had been such a good day aswell. I've had no side effects today. I've been normal me today.

I've not really got much to say. I'm sure i'll snap out of this mood.

I guess this is what a good day looks like?

Doesn't say much - literally.

xoxo

Wednesday 24th August 2011

Today's been a pretty good day too, had a couple of horrible effects today but not too bad. It seems that a couple of actual effects like physical ones don't phase me but one psychological one and it feels like the worst day ever.

I woke up this morning incredibly tired. It was unreal, I could barely keep my eyes open. It eased a bit throughout the day but i've been tired all day really.

This afternoon I had a very bad pain in my stomach, like I get when its my period. Except it's not my period. It was soo sore and I had to take ten minutes off the 'floor' at work. Ouchies!

Then I got home and had bled, the tiniest amount but still, it was blood. Fab. I've had this before but not very often, this is probably the third time this has happened.

Tonight I've had a stomach pain still and its on my hip now, it's horrible to move. I've had to take a Co-codamol, Mr Fayle won't be happy!

I'm off to bed because i'm cream crackered!

xoxo

Tuesday 23rd August 2011

Today has been a really good day!

I was so tired getting up this morning, it made me think it was going to be a bad day, however I was quite excited that it was the day of my appointment.

My dad was late picking me up to take me to the hospital, which meant I was late getting to my appointment. I was FUMING!

I saw Mr Fayle. It was so nice to put a name to a face! He really is a lovely man, he made me laugh, not sure whether it was intentional but he did anyhow. It was the first time that I could say 'I have Endometriosis', and smile. I wouldn't say i'm happy about having Endo, I don't think I ever will be but I don't fill up inside anymore.

He asked what I would like to do and I told him I want to carry on with no treatment to relieve the side effects. I have Co-Codamol and Tramadol for the pain, I can manage with them for now. It's when they stop working I need to be treated.

He said that Tramadol is very much a drug that medics aren't sure whether it should be controlled or not. If it turns out to be controlled then I will need to have it administered when I need it. I have had Tramadol for a while now (months) and I have only needed it once. I can usually muddle through on Co-Codamol. He says while I have the Tramadol tablets, should I need to take one then I need to call him and if its at an unsociable hour then I need to call A&E explaining I have Endometriosis and have needed to take Tramadol and they will decide whether I need to be seen. For what I'm not quite sure.

He then said that he would not like a young member of his family to be on Co-Codamol on a monthly basis and doesn't understand why he should be happy about his patients being in that position, however for now, he will leave me on it as I seem to be OK with it and after only just coming to terms with having Endometriosis he doesn't want to make changes yet that i'm not comfortable with.

I was asked how I felt about having Endometriosis. I was honest and said that at first it felt like a big slap in the face. Mr Fayle was very empathetic. He advised that telling young people, especially those under 25 that they have it is one of the parts of his job he hates the most. He asked if I'd told anyone and when I said apart from parents, best friend, boyfriend, auntie and boss (all people im close to or need to know) then no. We live in a world where everyone feels the right to know everything.

The truth is though - Endometriosis is NOT something to be ashamed of, it will scare people, but if they can't handle the answer, they shouldn't ask the question.

My care is in his hands, but my appointment frequency is in mine (within reason) I just have to call when I want/think I need another appointment. When I go onto have a child I will need to have regular appointments with him during pregnancy and he will need to be there when I go into labour.

I have felt so much calmer since my appointment.

All in all a good day!

xoxo

Monday 22 August 2011

:)

That sums me up right now.

I've had a naff day at work but meh that was earlier on.

Matt came round tonight even though he said he wasn't, it was such a nice surprise. He knocked on the door and everything so I had no idea who it was.

He makes me so happy.

In regards to the endo, its not really been noticable today have to say im sleepy now though! I have an appointment with the gynaecologist tomorrow. It will be the first time I've met him. I'm quite excited (not really the right word) that I'm finally going to be able to put a face to the name of the person who will be in charge of my care for as long as he continues to practice as a gynaecologist. This man is very important in my life. No offence I wish I didn't need him but hey ho he seems nice enough!

For now I am one happy bunny! I have the best boyfriend ever and I've not been too ill today either.

xoxo

Satyrday 20th August & Sunday 21st August 2011

Saturday -

I watched Bridget Jones' Diary haha love those films. Had a crap night sleep last night with my cold so you can imagine how tired I am, two pillows and a honey and lemon drink will see me right. Due to being ill, I have done naff all as I feel twice as drained.

Sunday -

We went to the wildlife park today with friends, it was tiring walking round.

I've not really been hungry today and have felt a bit 'off', I'm not too sure if its the endo or the cold, or both.

I had a really good nights sleep last night! That honey and lemon did the trick. Just hope I can get a good nights sleep tonight!

xoxo

Friday 19 August 2011

Todays been kinda better. Ish.

I was stuck in four hours of training this morning and no sooner had that finished I had to run off to the hospital for my scan. I hadnt had a drink all morning. So I wait for what seems forever and a day to get in there and be told, I cant do it your bladders too empty. Oh great, never mind that I am bursting for a wee so it cant be THAT empty. I was offered to sit and wait or have a dildo cam examination. I left. So no doubt Mr Fayle will have something to say!

In other news, I have a cold. So i'm twice as tired. Joy.

xoxo

Thursday 18 August 2011

I need help.

As you can tell today has been a horrendous day.

I think i'm depressed. AGAIN. I can't beleive this keeps happening, but part of me is hoping its just a symptom and like symptoms of all things it comes and goes. Part of me is assuming it will be gone tomorrow. It will, wont it?

I've had a busy day at work. I worked through the majority of my lunch.

I was walking home and heard something drop. I looked at my wrist and my charm bracelet wasnt there. I was in bits. I couldn't beleive it. I looked on the pavement, practically on my hands and knees for half an hour. Walked between work and where I heard the drop about five times. Even asked the cleaner at work. I came home looked in the bathroom, the hall, around the bed, on the bed, shook the cover, even looked in the wardrobe. My dad came back to the flat to help me look again. It was in my pillow case. WTF?

Then we went out to get some tea and I thought I had my card but I coudn't find that. I got home and realised it didn't even leave the flat.

Thing is I couldnt remember what I did with my bracelet this morning, I remember it being on the bathroom floor but not what happened after that. I remember picking my card up but not putting it down again. Why, why can't I remember?

I actually feel like i'm going mad.

I want to break down and cry, I want somebody to feel how I do so they can understand. As Florence says 'Hit me like a train on a track'

I wan't to be held and told it'll all be OK. But I never cry around other people. I hide it away.

xoxo

Wednesday 17th August 2011

Today's been quite good, I've had a really good day at work.

It was quite nice.

I walked home again.

I've not had any dinner but might do fish chips and peas and see if I eat it.

Dad came round today, even though I didn't want him to. I just wanted to be on my own besides Matt.

xoxo

Tuesday 16th August 2011

Today's been a bit of a meh day.

I booked two appointments as I have the Gynae in a week and I have the ultrasound department this Friday. My team leader asked how often these appointments will be. I feel like they are a burden to the service level and put me in a bad light.

I feel like a bad employee and they are my fault. But they're not. I never asked to have this. I never wanted this and if I could change this believe me I would. But I can't i'm stuck with this for life. I suffer the effects. :'( I feel bad enough already.

I'm not dealing with this well but I feel like I have to because nobody really understands just what it's like.

My mum and auntie do. Steph does she just looked at me and went 'That's awful, i'm so sorry' The gynae does because he KNOWS about this and he sees people suffer all the time but my dad doesn't, Matt doesn't really, my team leader doesn't. I feel like they all expect me just to get over it. So I try and smile and pretend that i'm fine and i've accepted it but I havent. I'm still angry, I can see the positives in the fact that it's not cancer or something that bad but I still want to hit out. I still want to scream. I've never been a mummys girl, always a daddy's girl but by god sometimes, just sometimes there is nowhere else id rather be than on my bed at my mums having a big cuddle and cry.

I used to think my anaemia made me tired and my bulimia what made me sick sometimes. Silly things that were all caused by different things but they're not, they're all part of this crappy disease! It's hard realising that it's not different things effecting your life but one big cloud of Doom!

I walked home from work again today. I was shattered half way but I carried on.

Looking back its been a bit of a rubbish day really hasn't it. Ho hum, onwards and upwards, right? We'll see.

xoxoxo

Monday 15 August 2011

Today's not been too bad. Had a freak out at one point but a lot of stuff got on top of me.

I walked home today and am slightly tired. I know it sounds stupid but I'm proud of walking home.

Hopefully my shifts will be sorted tomorrow.

I've not been sick today. I feel it And am bloated loads but not actually been sick.

All in all a good day!

Sorry for the lack of colour and font effects this post was sent from my iPhone!

Sunday 14th August 2011

Today has been slightly better.

I've been slightly tired today nowhere near as tired as yesterday though.

I've been really sick today. I had a bite of my breakfast bap and left the rest. Had half of my ice cream and left the cone. Made pizza buns for lunch and threw them away. Then bought dominoes for tea and had two slices and threw them up. Grand intake today = half an ice cream. Ha!

We went to see gagsy today it was nice to see her.

Please accept my apologies for lack of colour and font effects this post was sent from my iPhone

Saturday 13 August 2011

Today has been another S**t day.

Ive felt so down and paranoid and this is the part I cant change. This is one of the worst parts because no one can fix this.

The only physical thing today has been tiredness but its all the emotional. I get paranoid/think stupid things which causes relationship problems which causes depressed feelings and no one can change that.

I had an almost perfect life at the start of the year and I feel like some b**tard somewhere has taken that all away from me.

I feel like going out and getting absolutely slammed but I cant because I know i'd pay the price for days afterwards. I cant because i'm too tired.

I want my old life back.

Friday 12 August 2011

Today has been a much better day!

I haven't felt or been sick once! I've not even been as tired as usual but have been yawning since about 3 onwards! I wasn't really hungry today though but my appetite perked up a bit this afternoon.

I was slightly fidgity today though. I just could not sit still!

Were off to the pub tonight. I really fancy a blueberry cider and a blue WKD. It's horrible to think ill be on the water and a slice of lemon.

My facebook status yesterday said I had the worst day yet. Some guy at work thought I meant work. I just said it wasnt work when he asked what happened. I'm not ready to just come out with it. It's easier to put it on the web where no one knows me and if someone stumbles across it then so be it.

Thursday 11 August 2011

It's nearly a week since I was diagnosed and today has been the worst day so far.

I woke up extremely tired, even more so than normal. I felt sick and had a sore belly.

I went to work and spent the first hour and a half nursing a coffee. I ended up being sick. Thats when I knew it was going to be a bad day. It's now almost time for bed and I have been sick four more times since this morning.

My belly has had a heavy feeling all day and my energy levels haven't improved.

I've suffered sickness days in the past but the sickness has always eased by lunch. It hasn't today. Being tired and working a seven hour day is hard enough without the added sickness.

It caused me to retreat into my own little bubble and appreciate being left alone.

I went to the pub last night for a pub quiz. I had two drinks so was nowhere near drunk and have a feeling that they contributed to my sickness. I had an app on my iPhone which said that women suffering with Endometriosis drink less to reduce the symptoms. It annoys me to think that in my teenage years i'm already having to watch my alcohol intake. Then again feeling the way I did today isn't worth it.

The decision to fight or give in.

When I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, I felt like somebody had given me the biggest slap in the face ever.

I spent many an hour crying over it. I wasn't the only one. Endometriosis doesn't just affect the patient but also their loved ones who have to watch them suffer.

While one half of me thought, it could be worse, I could be dying of Cancer or HIV. Part of me still thought but on average 10% of women have this. Why me? What did I ever do so wrong to deserve this?

I spent a few days curled away feeling sorry for myself. Then I realised that while I have this and even though it will never go away, why should I stop living my life?

Whether you have a cold, are diagnosed with a serious disease such as Endometriosis or have something even worse such as Cancer, you still have the right to enjoy living.

This blog is going to report on my good days, my bad days and the downright dreadful days! No matter what kind of day it's been though, I will NEVER give in.

About Endometriosis

*All this information can be found by typing Endometriosis into google*

What is Endometriosis?

Endometriosis is a condition that causes pain, irregular bleeding and possible infertility.

Endometriosis is a painful chronic disease, for which there is no cure.

Endometriosis can be a debilitating condition. It can affect a womans life in a number of ways including:

• Chronic Pain
• Fatigue
• Depression
• Relationship Problems
• Inability to conceive
• Difficulity fulfilling work and social commitments

Endometriosis does not just affect women during their periods.

There is no condition in medicine quite like it.

It affects between 5-15% of women.

Symptoms of Endometriosis

Symptoms of Endometriosis include:

• Painful Periods
• Urinary urgency and frequency
• Chronic fatigue
• Extreme leg pain
• Fever
• Headaches
• Depression
• Anxiety
  
• Hypoglycemia
• Mood Changes
• Bloating
• Sickness

About me

My name is Kim, I am 19 and I have been diagnosed with Endometriosis after a year of suffering with chronic period pains and being admitted to A and E earlier this year.

I fought for a year for my diagnosis and if you think you have Endometriosis then please continue your fight.

Two weeks before my diagnosis I almost gave in trying to get a diagnosis and thought whatever i'll just deal with not knowing.